According to Domestic and Dating Violence: an Information and Resource Handbook
compiled by the Metropolitan King City Council, there are several factors that contribute to teen dating violence.
Peer approval - if a girl’s friends believe that her relationship is “normal”, she is often unable to judge if her partner is displaying abusive behavior.
Lack of experience - teens have less experience in dating and relationships than adults and may not understand what is and is not okay. Jealousy and possessiveness by the abuser can be seen by the girl as signs of love and devotion.
Little contact with adult resources - teens often feel that adults won’t take them seriously and that adult interventions may result in a loss of trust or independence, according to Nancy Worcester in A More Hidden Crime: Adolescent Battered Women. This is one reason teens keep this secret to themselves.
Substance abuse - while substance abuse is not the cause of dating violence, it may increase the chances and severity of abuse. Alcohol and drugs reduce the ability to demonstrate self control and good decision making skills, on the part of girls as well as boys.
How does someone become abusive?
Abuse is a learned behavior.
Abuse is not a natural reaction to an outside event.
It is not normal to behave in a violent manner within a personal relationship.
Abusers deny that abuse has occurred or make light of a violent episode.
Abusers blame the victim, other people, or outside events for the violent attack.
Abusers don’t act because they are out of control; they choose to respond to a situation violently.
They are making a conscious decision to behave in a violent manner.
Abusers are acting not out of anger but out of their need for control and domination.
Abusers may be so charming and engaging that others would never suspect they are abusive.
Abusive partners may at times be loving and gentle. (Murray, Dr. Jill. But I love him)
What qualities should I look for in a potential mate?
The person is not involved in other love relationships.
Is open to being in a relationship with you.
Is free of chemical or psychological addictions.
Has time to devote to a relationship.
Has high self-esteem.
Is compatible with you in terms of social values and beliefs.
Has several close friends.
Is a person you would still want as a friend if the love relationship ended.
Treats other well, even if they are strangers. (Sizer, Frances; Whitney, Eleanor and Debryne, Linda - Making Life Choices)
What rights do I have in a relationship?
You have the right to a life without violence.
You have the right to reject unwanted attention.
You have the right to change your mind whenever you want to.
You have the right to be yourself without changing to please others.
You have the right to decide whether you want physical and sexual contact.
You have the right to start a relationship slowly.
You have the right to change a relationship when your feelings change.
